Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Insecure Writers: Be Brave


NOTE: It's the first Wednesday of the month, so it's time for The Insecure Writers! For those who don't remember, it's an online group created by Alex J. Cavanaugh for writers. Most of whom are insecure. So we support each other from the safety and comfort of our desks. 

I've been thinking about this particular post for a while. Not the content, exactly, but the fact that it's an IWSG post, and what that means.

I have to admit that I've mostly used IWSG Wednesdays as an opportunity to vent about my most recent and pressing set of insecurities. Occasionally (ok, once) I used it to share an inspiring idea.

And there's nothing wrong with any of this; that's part of what a support group is all about.

The thing is, I don't really want to do that this week. I want to try something new.

It's been a rough week. Not bad, necessarily, just tough. A lot of ups and a lot of downs, which, as I'm learning, is part of being an author. Some people will love your work, and some will hate it, or, even worse, just not care much about it one way or the other. And somehow, through all of the conflicting feedback/responses/reviews/etc.,  I have to learn how to keep my head on straight and not pay too much attention to the criticism or the praise.

That's not easy. And that's not specific to writers, either.

Anyone who has ever cared about anything they produce, in any deeply personal way, has to struggle through this, too. Artists, yes, but also any person who loves and cares about their job or their cooking or child-rearing, or whatever that thing is, that thing that motivates and inspires and drives each of us to work and work more and hone and perfect and sweat and curse and laugh with sheer joy. That thing that comes from somewhere inside us, somewhere intensely personal and, I think, profound. It could be a presentation at work, a novel, a painting, a research study. It could be anything.

It's different for each of us, but sharing it with the world is universally terrifying. We take a part of ourselves, a piece of our being that we value tremendously, and offer it up to the rest of the world for judgement. It could be incredible, everything we've ever dreamed of, but it could also be a disaster.

No wonder so many of us choose not to take that risk. This is why people write books and then put them in drawer to sit and gather dust for thirty years, or create an innovative business plan for a start-up and then shelve it forever.

Here's the thing, though: it's terrifying and risky, but it's also vital. I can't help but think that it's better to try, and possibly to fail, then to never share the best part of yourself. It's a cliche, but it's true - if you never try, you'll never be able to succeed. You'll never know how amazing it could be, to realize your best and deepest dream. If it doesn't work, I have to think it's better to know that I tried, that I did everything I could, than to spend the rest of my life filled with regret, wondering, "what if...?"

So that's what all of this preamble is about. That's what I'm trying to say: it's normal to be afraid, but don't you dare let it stop you.

If you need more, there's this, from Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine... It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same...”

And this:



Whoever you are, reading this right now, feeling terrified, I hope this helps, in some way. You're not alone at ALL, and all of the rest of us can't wait to see what you have to share. Please share it.

30 comments:

  1. We'll never grow if we don't share.
    I stuck a manuscript in a drawer for thirty years once. Glad I finally took it out.

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  2. It is damn scary putting yourself out there---and I agree, being ignored is far worse than being criticized. This post is so empowering and just the gentle nudge that I'm sure some people need. Because when you're truly passionate about something it's a good sign that that thing is your gift---and gifts are meant to be shared.

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    1. Thanks, I'm so glad! I was hoping to give that little nudge today. Thanks for your kind words :)

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  3. It's tough. I figure my work is never as great as anyone says (though I'd like to believe it is), nor is it ever as bad as anyone says. The truth is always somewhere in the middle. But yes, the worst feeling is that you're not being heard (read) at all . . .

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    1. You're so right, and that's a good reminder. I'm going to repeat it to myself over and over and over again ;) It IS worse to not be heard at all - which is why I'm so grateful to everyone who leaves a comment, and why I'm never just a lurker on sites anymore. Thanks for coming over and hearing me.

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  4. It really is terrifying putting our work out there, and sometimes I'm still amazed I managed to do it. I've never really been able to conquer a fear like that before but writing has changed that. Even though I'm still terrified!
    Wonderful post for the IWSG, Liz.

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    1. Thanks so much - and thank you for hosting today! And, while I know this is yet another cliche, it's true - there's nothing wrong with being afraid, unless you let the fear stop you. And you're not, and that's amazing.

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  5. I don't think I'll ever get over the fear as long as writing means something to me. This was a great post.

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    1. Thanks so much :) Nope, me neither, sadly enough. It's worth it, though.

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  6. Holy cow! What an impassioned plea! You won't get any argument from me.
    --December IWSG co-host

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  7. Wonderful quote! Thanks for sharing this post :)

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  8. Hey Liz!

    Seems like we both had the same thing in mind this IWSG day!

    I absolutely love Marianne Williamson, and I loved that quote, especially the last part: we are ALL meant to shine...not just some of us, all of us.

    Go out and shine your little light! Good post. :)

    M.L. Swift, Writer

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    1. Thanks!! I love her, too, and I've always loved that quote. Sometimes I think I need to tattoo it on my forehead... ;)

      I'm sorry I'm so behind on my blog-hopping! I'm heading to you now.

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  9. Great post, and a good reminder. We really only do learn through failure and adjustment. To do that we have to go forward and do the scary thing. Rejection is tough, but it really is part of the process. Makes us more resilient if we can learn to deal with it and keep going.

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    1. Very, very true. The tough part is when the rejection actually comes, isn't it? It's much easier to SAY this than to FEEL it. Doesn't make it any less true, though.

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  10. So true. I loved your positive outlook about it all. Smiling in the face of bone-deep terror. Now that's brave. Go Liz!

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    1. Thanks :) I guess that IS what I'm doing - what we're all doing. Go Ava, too - and thank you!!

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  11. Even now I'm still a little reluctant to share my work, even when I'm pretty sure it's good, there's that little voice that says, maybe you're wrong...The day I know it's good and don't need (as opposed to want) anyone else to tell me will be a good day.

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    1. That will be an amazing day, and I hope we all get there somehow.

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  12. Definitely better to try -- great post. One of my favorite quotes is from an anonymous source: "The worst stuff you write is always better than the best stuff you don't." As a recovering perfectionist, that always resonates with me.

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    1. I love that quote, too - it's a good reminder that we have to produce something, and that will always be better than nothing! Maybe we should start a 'recovering perfectionist' support group...

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  13. I'm planning to start querying in January. I needed to read this. ^_^ Thank you.

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    1. I'm so glad it helped. Good for you - I'm rooting for you!!!

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