Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Insecure Writers: New World Order

It's the first Wednesday of the month, so it's time for The Insecure Writers! The IWSG is an online group created by Alex J. Cavanaugh for writers. You, too, can join us anytime!

Happy June, everyone! Here in Crazytown Boston, after an unseasonably hot and summer-y May, June has decided to remind us how grateful we should be for summer by reverting back to late winter. It's 40 degrees and pouring. I had to turn the heat back on in my house. Delightful, isn't it?

Sigh. That's New England, peeps.

BUT that's not why I'm feeling insecure. Irritated and chilly, perhaps, but not insecure.

No, the reason that I'm super-charged on insecurity this month is that my life is on the verge on changing, irrevocably, forever and ever. You might say it's on the verge of exploding. You might say that and many other shocked and shocking things, because - wait for it - at some point this summer, I am going to become a parent.

Nope, not pulling your leg. My wife is expecting twins - TWINS! - in August. Or, as is the case with twins - TWINS! - whenever the hell they decide to get here. Personally. I'm rooting for full-term, late August, and I do tell them this every night, but I have a feeling this might just be my first exercise in parental futility.

Yes, this is why I've taken a few protracted blogging breaks. Yes, this is why I gave away mountains of books, killing a small piece of my soul in the process (oh I do so love exaggeration.)

And yes, this is why I am freaking the bleep out right now.

There are the standard parent insecurities (not just, will I screw up my kids? But really, how badly will I screw them up?) plus the twin - TWIN! - insecurities (how will I ever have enough hands to feed/clothe/bathe my children? Will I ever sleep, ever ever again?) and on top of all of that, there are the writer-parent insecurities (is it possible to be creative when I'm a sleep-deprived-writer-zombie? Will I have to wait until I'm geriatric to start writing again?)

There are so many insecurities. Because hello, twins! TWINS!

I am also of course over the moon, overjoyed, over-ecstatic, over-excited, and over-many-other-things. But this is the Insecure Writers Support Group, not the Happy Writers Support Group. Who needs a support group to be happy, anyway?

Truth be told, I am both joyful and insecure-ful...which is probably just about right. Oh yes, and if I suddenly and inexplicably disappear from the blogosphere for a few weeks, well, now you'll know why.

How do you juggle family/writing time? Were you able to be creative when your kids were little? What are you IWSG-ing about this month?


32 comments:

  1. Congratulations! I am not a parent, so I can't offer you any words of wisdom on parenting... but twins! Double the love, right? Congrats on this blessed turn of events. I see a lot of future posts on the kids!

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  2. CONGRATULATIONS!!! Oh my gosh, this is SO exciting! Yes, exciting! I'll grant you the overwhelming and scary bits too, but most of all exciting.

    Nothing at all can prepare you for parenthood, so just get your baby space ready and jump into mommyhood when it happens. One of my good friends had twins at the same time I had a regular ol' single baby, and I swear she handled it all far more gracefully and competently than I did.

    When it all goes down, just remember during those first weeks - they WILL start sleeping through the night at some point. You WILL become a diaper changing afficianado. You WILL have your life back again sooner than you think and it will be so much better than it ever was before because you'll have two new people to love like you never thought you could.

    Your disappearance from the blogosphere will be completely supported and understandable - but please do pop in to give us the good news, okay?

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    1. Thanks so much!! Yeah, I think it's going to require a flying leap with a lot of faith that it'll all work out somehow.

      This was so encouraging - thank you, thank you!

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  3. TWINS? Wow! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! I am so happy for the both of you! I'm not a parent, just an auntie, so I'm not sure how much advice I could give you.

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  4. Oh wow I'm so happy for you!! Congratulations to you and to your wife! What lucky little ones will be to have such wonderful parents. I second Nicki's comment - please let us know when the twins have arrived! :)

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  5. Congratulations!!! That's incredible!!

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  6. Congratulations! I have four kids (though no twins). I didn't start writing until my third hit Kindergarten, but I managed and so will you. It just takes adjustment. Be patient with yourself and your ever changing schedule. And think of all the character fodder you're in for ;)

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  7. Congrats! You can do this! My sis-in-law has twins, now 7. The early years were tough on them, but they also had moves, job changes, moving out of state on top of that. Take advantage of any support network that offers you assistance. :)

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  8. Wow! Congratulations. That is so very exciting. I always said my life didn't change that much when I had one child. He was such an easy baby but when the second one came, my life as I knew it was over. And you're getting two at a time. I found almost no time to write or read when my children were little but they do grow up fast. I'm very happy for you.

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  9. Congratulations! Be prepared to own 2 of everything. :) My friends have twin boys just a couple months older than my daughter. At least your kids will always have a friend (or foe) nearby. :)

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  10. Congrats. As a parent of three (two born 11 months apart—Irish twins, they call them, though that's probably not PC), I can assure you . . . You will not sleep for many, many months. At least not for many hours at a go. And I'd tell you it's all worth it in the end, but there are days I'm not sure. (Seriously, though, it will be worth it when they grow up and take care of you in your old age.)

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  11. Oh wow! Congratulations!

    As a mom of (36-week, 6- & 7-pound boy twins), I can tell you, you will survive. Just take it one day at a time. And take turns sleeping, even if you do get them on the same feeding schedule. :P

    IWSG #126 until Alex culls the list again.

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  12. Congratulations! Congratulations! teehee
    Juggling is exhausting, just put the balls on the table and roll them around. :)

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  13. Oh wow! This is wonderful news and your poor wife has to go through the hot summer-she will be happy when the twins are born. I am not a parent unless you count fur babies and i did not give birth to them otherwise I would have my own reality show by now. I think you need to breathe and do your best to not let fear take hold. We live in a time when there is so much out there on what we should not be doing and that this will happen. I think to myself, how did my mom and all the other moms do it at a time when few homes had dishwashers and most had those old rolling washing machines. They all had cloth diapers. Somehow the mom's managed and us kids did not grow a third eye. Rely on people who have gone through it. Sleepless nights will happen but they are not going to be for a year and remember good old fashioned common sense. I think you and your wife will be wonderful parents because love will be a mainstay in the household

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    1. Thank you! I can't tell you how much everyone's kind and encouraging comments are helping :) It IS comforting to remember how our parents and grandparents etc managed to raise kids with much less than we have now. If they can do it, so can we! And hey I count your fur babies ;)

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  14. Congratulations! Wow, twins? Sorry, no kids, so no tips from me.

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  15. Congrats! And don't you worry, think of it in this positive light...

    You will have to get up in the middle of the night to feed and coddle for the new born babies. You will have to chase down and secure the toddlers when they run away from you into dangerous situations. You will have to potty train TWO stinky, poopie, irresistibly cute children. You will cry when they finally leave you to go to Kindergarten. Then you will look back and go, "Wow, we have two children already and most people our age only have one and are contemplating a second. Just think...they have to do that ALL OVER AGAIN!" Bwahahahahaha!!! And you don't!! :)

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  16. Congrats!
    I discovered a new love for writing poetry and short fiction when my kids were little, but I also wrote my first complete novel between kid #1 and kid #2. Anything is possible - it just might have to be possible in 15-20 minute increments . . . or during nap-time (if you aren't napping with them).

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  17. !!!!

    That is so exciting! Congratulations! Two at once, wow. No wonder the insecurities are drowning out the writing ones. But I'm sure you'll do great. Hugs!

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  18. WOW!!! DOUBLE HUGE CONGRATULATIONS!!!

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  20. you have no idea how loud I squealed reading this!!!!!!!!!! HUGE CONGRATS TO YOU BOTH!!!!! Twins!! that is AMAZING. You will be wonderful parents, I have no doubt about that! Just relax and enjoy every minute!! *hugs* xoxoxo

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  21. Congrats! I always wanted to twins (and be one) but settled for marrying one. It's not easy juggling little ones and writing. But once you find your groove you can sneak in some writing here and there. And for some parental advice, don't try to the feeding, changing, bathing, etc for both at the same time. Take turns, one of the twins firs, the other second. Set up a routine, put them & yourself on a schedule. When they sleep, you sleep. And you'll be less sleep deprived. Congrats again.

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  22. Congrats, again. ^_^ From what I've heard, where you are right now is where every single parent is before the kid shows up. Prepare as much as you can, but there's no way to know how it'll go until the baby's out. Yes, I know, "babies" in your case, but still. Best of luck with that, hope you and your wife can survive the start of the experience. ^_^

    And since you asked about my book, I hate to say it, but the earliest it'll be ready for beta reading is in... August. >_< I'll do what I can and hopefully get it to you before the kids arrive.

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  23. YAY!! ::kermit arms flailing away:: Congratulations!! So excited for you and your wife!

    Yes it will be exhausting, but also wondrous and amazing and fantastic. Yes it will be hard to write at first, but you're too talented to let it sit for too long. It will all work out and be even more fabulous than before.

    You find time whenever you can steal it to write. Just watch out for the guilt. I'm still working on that, and Oldest Urchin will be 11 this summer. But little ones need to know that mommies are not only just there for them, they have dreams and goals, so kiddos know when they grow up they can do those things too. :)

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  24. Thank you so much for your support, Liz.

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  25. Wow, that is so exciting. Twins are awesome. I say that because I have an identical twin sister. We just celebrated our 43rd birthday together (she lives in Southern Oregon, so we don't get to hang out much) and it was great. Your children will always have someone to play with or fight with or complain with on lame family vacations :) Just be sure to allow them their individuality as much as possible. My mom was really good about that.
    As for creativity with young children, I was able to read a lot when my son was an infant and I did a ton of beadwork then, too. Later, I mostly did a lot of crafty stuff.I'm sure you will find time to write and you will also be a wonderful parent. Enjoy the twin magic!

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  26. Ah! Congratulations, Liz! I'm super happy for you. You know, when I read that you were going to be a parent, I had to stop and warm my coffee, because, I just have to read life-changing news with a cup of coffee. It's how I roll. Truthfully? You probably won't have time to even think about blogging or writing once the twins get here. Heck, I could write AT ALL during my pregnancy, and after my daughter got here? Fuggetaboutit. Thankfully, my husband and I have a full-time, live in nanny (named Quanie's Mama, lol) who makes it possible for me to get some things done, but to be honest, For the first four months, I hardly wrote. Like, at all. But you'll figure out something that works for you and your family as long as they understand that if you don't write, you'll likely implode. Good luck! And if you disappear (which you probably will do), I'll continue to send good vibes your way:)

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  27. Haha! Your "first exercise in parental futility". Yes, I believe it is. At least you're slightly prepared for it. :-D And twins...oh, dear. Well, get ready for some serious life changes. Congratulations to you both. Sending good vibes. If I have any major insights about writing with newborns around, I'll let you know. Sorry. (Mine are older but, still, it's tough.) You'll find your way because you are a writer. It's who you are so you will find your own way.

    Funny. I just wrote about feeling like we have to explain our online absences. Honestly, this is the nicest one. :-) Congrats, again. And good health to Mama throughout the hot summer (if it ever warms up).

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  28. TWINS? Wow. I'll be keeping you in prayer, most def. =) I don't know how parents find time to write -- but they do. So there's hope!

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  29. Its exhilarating, exciting and scary but all the best for the twins!

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  30. Wow! That is life-changing, exciting, and scary, all at the same time. When my girls were babies, I hadn't started writing yet and I don't think it would have been possible. Neither one slept through the night for a long, long time and I was a zombie. When my second was one, my husband would take her out for "shopping trips" on Tuesday and Thursday mornings for around an hour and a half. They did go to the grocery store, parks, wherever and I would write. It sounds like such a small amount of time now, but I got the first draft of my first novel cranked out and it was well over 100K. So when things calm down (if they do), carve out a block of time. Both you and your wife will need time to yourself, even if it's just for a nap or shower.

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