My wife and I are
"Do you want to have dinner on Saturday?" friends ask.
"Um, maybe?" we reply.
"Let's schedule an appointment for the week after next," my acupuncturist says.
"Right, and what was your cancellation policy again?" I ask.
I book clients at my day job, and wonder if I'll actually be there for our appointments. I look forward to settling down with my library book (The Empathy Exams, currently) and then wonder if I'll have a chance to finish it before it's due - and how much I'll end up owing if I don't have time to return it.
All because, you know, babies.
I'm not complaining, really - I just wish I knew when, so I could settle down and live and get things done. But since the Fates laugh at even the idea of me knowing, I have to stay in this weird in-between place. Not yet a parent, but not not a parent. Working and planning and crossing items off of lists, and trying not to hold my breath every time my wife so much as frowns.
This, of course, is all incidental when compared to the Real Anxiety: that my life is about to change so utterly and wholly that I may not recognize it anymore; that I myself am about to change, too; that my family is about to double in size; and, most of all, that I cannot fathom what any of this is going to look like.
I can imagine. I can extrapolate. I can guess. But I won't know until they're here. I am stuck, between parenting and not, between one stage of life and another. I am in the in-betweens. We both are.
So, we wait. And we plan, and hope, and complete tasks. And we wait.
Ha! Welcome to parenthood. Your life will never be the same, but it will be better than you can imagine in many ways.
ReplyDeleteFrom the NICU nurse me (and mom of 36-week twins of 6 and 7 pounds, respectively): Keep those babies in as long as possible! Every week - hell, every DAY - makes a difference.
Feed them well. The fastest way to make them want to come out is not to feed them well. If there are no medical contraindications re: diet, tell momma to get plenty of food and very high protein (fish, cottage cheese, eggs, peanut butter...). Blend it in smoothies if you have to. High protein in the diet also helps keep PIH (high blood pressure) at bay.
I'll shut up now. LOL
Best wishes for health and happiness. :)
I remember that stage. I look back at it now as being one of the most magical parts. It's hard when you're in it, but every stage is valuable and you'll look back with fondness too. I promise.
ReplyDeleteAh, I well remember those last couple weeks and days leading up . . . But then again, I always sort of "knew" when they'd arrive. In fact, I called it correctly on every single one. (Maybe I willed it to happen when I thought it would?) It's true you can imagine what it will be like—you're a writer, after all, and imagining is part of the trade—but it never looks like you think. Not in a bad way. It's just different. Like watching your novel be adapted for stage or film or something.
ReplyDeleteAnticipation is in the high zone right now. I like the advice from Melissa and hope your wife is doing aok! With the heat and certain backaches etc... i am certain she would like them out:) Enjoy every moment. Do you get any time off? In Canada a woman can take up to a year off on Maternity leave and if she wants to go back to work earlier then her husband can take paternity leave. I think you only have 6 weeks still. The States needs to wise up and lengthen that and I hope Paternity leave is available. Send Liz all my best as well:)
ReplyDeletehang in there! yes changes will be the biggest and you won't be prepared for all that comes up - just weather thru, try not to stress, every problem has more than one solution! pick the best one for your family!
ReplyDeleteHa! You're smart to get all the little things done now. Sleep is for wusses anyway. :D
ReplyDeleteAnd congratulations!! I had no idea you were expecting twins!
That's parenthood! But it has its own set of rewards too. All the best!
ReplyDeleteHow exciting! And kind of scary! I'm going to pull for exactly one week, because that's my birthday and I'd love to share it with them :). I hope your last few weeks as an in utero parent go well. I know you can't imagine what it will be like, but I think you'll be a great mom.
ReplyDeleteYou are living life on the edge right now...
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to read your posts, post-babies. Everything is going to change. Things like knowing a joy you've never felt. Feeling a fear greater than anything you've known. Love so great the world can't contain it. And you'll find the inner strength to function on so little sleep it seems a medical miracle.
ReplyDeleteSusan Says
SO EXCITED. I came on by earlier this morn and when I didn't see a post I was like "BABIES ARE HERE!!!!!!" hahah so I keep thinking it'll be any second...argh I'm excited for you!! can't wait for you :) though it must be so incredibly scary too!
ReplyDeleteAh the waiting game. Fingers crossed they stay a little longer though - twins need all the time they can get! Good luck :-)
ReplyDeleteHello, do hang in there. Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteYes, it will all change, but in so many good ways you won't believe it. There will be tough stuff, too. Exhaustion, being foremost. But so, so worth it. You'll be awesome, and so will your wife. I can't wait to hear that the babies are here and all the wonderful newness that I know you'll embrace with all your wide-eyed observations that I love. Breathe and enjoy this.
ReplyDeleteOh, and take your wife out to see a grown-up movie before the babies come. 'Cause those are gonna be few and far between for several years! lol!
I like the fact that you think that once the babies arrive, life can begin again. :) Because once they get here, life as you know it will end for a long time. Still there's something to be said about getting the waiting game done and over with. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the in-between and get as many things completed on your writing and to-do list as possible. Because once the babies do arrive, things will never be the same again.
ReplyDeleteIn a way, a lot of life is spent in the in-betweens. We always seem to be waiting for something to happen and sometimes we often don't know when it'll happen. Good luck with everything!
ReplyDeleteThat in between waiting time is so hard. You can't plan, you can't move forward, you know you should enjoy the time you have, but it's so darn hard. And that's okay. I've noticed people tend to tell themselves what they should be feeling, all the while trying to ignore what they are feeling. We should all embrace our feelings and validate ourselves.
ReplyDeleteWow that's so exciting! I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. Twins must have a huge impact on your life. (Any child does, I think, but two at the same time adds a whole new dimension to that.)
ReplyDeleteI hope everything goes well! :-)
I'm so excited for you! My daughter came a week and a day early (I was in total denial about being in labor!) and you're right, things will never be the same! Your world will revolve around theirs but it's a wonderful thing. The first few months will fly by (hell, you'll be so tired!) and before you know it they'll be trying to mimic what you say. Cherish the early months because when they start walking they will NOT want to be held!
ReplyDeleteI have no idea how you handle this, I'd be so stressed out. O_O Hope you get some time to relax during these waiting days, and that you and your wife adapt quickly when everything suddenly changes.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Liz! I'm a couple years away from parenthood but it sure scares me. In a good way of course. So excited for you!
ReplyDeleteUg. The in-betweens. I was 10 days late with my first. I remember a moment during that time when I was sitting on my big couch. I'd just painted my toenails (with difficultly) and thought "Eff this. I'm sitting here and not getting up and not doing ANYTHING until this child arrives" -- including not answering the phone so I wouldn't have to hear yet another person say "When's that baby coming?" I don't remember anything between that and the night before the baby arrived - I was on my couch watching Vacation, so who knows, maybe I really didn't do ANYTHING during those last days..
ReplyDeleteBTW, I think it's excellent that you fully realize how much your life's about to change. I think a lot of people don't. But I promise, you WILL get your life back much sooner than you expect.
How exciting! I could imagine things will be hectic soon. Is your wife staying home with them?
ReplyDeleteThe thing with the books hit home for me. I love audiobooks for that reason, but when they're young enough, you shouldn't have too much trouble. Hold them and read a loud. Your voice will sooth them, and they'll love the skin-to-skin connection.
Haha! ""Um, maybe?" We still say that. Sorry. This is so beautifully stated. Yes. You can try to guess or imagine but you wont know until... Waiting is brutal. Wishing you and your wife the best. Sending positive vibes to momma and babies.
ReplyDeleteP.S. That book looks amazing.
Sounds like exciting times ahead! All the best!
ReplyDeleteI hope all is going well with you guys!
ReplyDelete